an overdue update

I was reminded not too long ago that I have a blog (Thanks Dino). Since im spending the day in bed, courtsey of my night spent on the bathroom floor, courtesy of what I can only assume was my pork rib lunch......I've decided to dedicate some of my unexpected down time to a life update.

A lot has happened since I last wrote anything. For starters, its gotten HOT. Seriously hot. So hot I've had some close calls with passing out at inopportune and down right awkward moments. I could actually deal with the temperature if the thick air wasn't trying to suffocate me. 85 degrees with 80% humidity is worse than any dry 100 degree day, I don't care what anyone says. Not even my Hawaiian roots could prepare me for this. And certainly not my years in Washington State. I really do miss the crisp NW air............. So, i've retired my jeans until Fall, turned my fan up to level 3, and started icing my coffee in the mornings. I also try to remind myself that I am surrounded by Caribbean Sea and Atlantic Ocean, so complaining is kind of ridiculous.

Work has been going really well lately. My 9th graders just finished their exams and are basically done for the summer. Some of them will move on to secondary school but many will, as one teacher put it, be thrown to the wolves. I've had a hard time accepting this reality, but it is a reality. It's their reality. I wish them absolutely nothing but the best. There is not a single one of them that doesn't have it in them to do great - to be great. They drove me crazy more than a few times. I actually screamed at a few to get out of my classroom on one particularly bad day, which is something I never thought i'd do. But I really will miss my Tuesdays with them. Im not the same person I was the first day I first stepped into their classrooms. I am stronger now and much more patient. I found that I have it in me to be assertive without losing my softness and my compassion. And I know now that the only way to survive teaching is to not take yourself too seriously. You gotta laugh. And I mean really laugh.

The last few months at The Environmental Awareness Group have been spent organising and hosting a Caribbean Endemic Bird Festival, continuing to get ready for Camp GROW, and dedicating some weekends to helping out with our annual bird and snake surveys - all of which have been incredibly successful and rewarding experiences. *Camping on a beautiful, uninhabited island with ridiculously amazing company while practicing my snake catching skills is not something I will soon forget...

As if my time at school and the EAG didn't keep me busy enough, I just recently began a THIRD assignment assisting counsellors at the Student Support Centre which provides intervention and life-skills training to at-risk teens. I couldn't be more excited about this opportunity. The work will not be easy. After only three weeks I am already beyond frustrated at the non-functioning social services in this country. But the bottom line is that I get to spend my time challenging these teens to see in themselves the hope and opportunity that I see in them, and if it turns out thats all I can do, thats good enough for me.

Besides work-life, I am hanging in there. Yesterday the volunteers in Antigua had a mental health session with our Medical Officer from headquarters in St. Lucia. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I started crying my little eyes when it was my turn to talk. It suprised me as much as it did everyone else sitting at the table. The truth is, Im tired. Im lonely. Im emotionally drained. I miss my family. Sometimes I wake up and wonder what the hell I am actually doing here - if this is really worth what I sacrificed and left behind. But like I said, Im hanging in there. I get up each morning and leave my house with wide eyes and high hopes because even though I may not understand it now, I know eventually I will. And when that happens, I don't want to feel like I missed out. For now i'll just keep on embracing the beauty in my uncertainty.

And now mixed bag of photos for your viewing pleasure