Lets Hear it for the Boys!

I've been thinking a lot about boys lately.

Thinking about what we teach our boys. How we raise and how we praise our boys. Ive been lying awake at night wondering how to reach and empower our boys. Wishing we'd hug and show more love to our boys. Maybe have a little more faith in our boys......

Its easy to get down on men, and I must admit, I do it quite a bit. Lets just look at some facts shall we:

85% of murder is committed by men
90% of physical assault.....
95% of domestic violence cases are perpetrated by men
90% of child sexual abuse......
99.8% of people sitting in prison convicted of rape are men
And it is estimated that 1 in 4 men will use some sort of violence against a partner in their lifetime

In Anigua, the majority of families are run by single mothers. It is not uncommon for a man to have dozens of children with different women, many of whom live in the same village and attend the same schools. Mommas shuttling kids around to various family members and daycares before and after work while daddy 'limes' or chills on the block playing dominos is an all too familiar scenario here. On top of it all, our young men are drastically falling behind in school.

So what the hell is going on??

Well, a lot of things. You could spend a lifetime answering this question, and many people have. But the bottom line, or at least a significant part of the bottom line, is POWER-STRENGTH-CONTROL and what these words can mean for young men who are forced into boxes with them. Are men evil? No. Are they inherently violent? Absolutely not. We are socializing them into the roles of dead-beat dads and abusers by our unforgiving and unrelenting rules on what it means to be a 'real man'. We are what we eat, and we seem to be feeding our boys a load of crap.

Its easy to get down on men, this we know. But getting down on men is not the solution, infact I think it is actually part of the problem. If all young boys hear is that 'men are this' and 'men are that', then why try to be anything different? And if we spend all of our energy focusing on the dead-beat dads and the abusers, who is focusing on the rest?

So I would like to take this opportunity to do exactly that, and recognize the amazing men, young and old, that I have had the privledge of knowing over the past 6 months of my Peace Corps Service. When I watch these boys and men...when I hear their stories.....I am too often left heartbroken but always always left inspired.

To the 14 year old young man living on his own and constantly wondering where his next meal will come from--- The fact that you show up to school every day demonstrates incredible dedication and perserverance. I honestly don't know if I could do it, and most in your situation don't.

To the single father who is raising two of the most respectful and tender boys I have encountered on this island---Kudos to you, sir. Kudos to you.

To the fellow Peace Corps Volunteer that spoke with such grace and conviction about issues so often deemed 'women's problems'--- Your voice is incredibly powerful in a sea of silence. Thank you.

And to a very young man who has stepped up to help take care of his 3 little sisters while his father sits in jail awaiting trial for brutally assaulting his mother--- I am so sorry that you have had to see the things you've seen. I wish all you had to worry about was being 9. The responsibility you have taken on and the compassion that you are are showing your mother and your sisters....these are what make you a 'real man'. Not the control you can exert over others or the damage you can do with your fist. Don't ever forget that.

To every father, son, brother, husband, boyfriend, ally, and friend out there......I see you and I appreciate you.

So lets hear it for the boy!
I just couldn't resist..